Inspired just by thinking of the plants that I know will die if I tried to garden them right now.

My Medium for this sketch,  ipad mini, paper by 53 and my bamboo pen.

I understand now that there will never be any words for people when they tell me that they have lost someone.  We have all been there in a conversation or a situation where it comes out of someone dying or a terrible thing happening and we are stuck, we don’t know how to say what we are thinking which is- Man that SUCKS your heart must be breaking.  We fill in with things that we think we should say ” they are in a better place, they are not in pain anymore, the list goes on and on.  The truth that I have found for me is there really is no words,  just the  knowledge he has my back waiting for me hanging out with God.

I have about 15 moments total a day right now where I can feel my grief kinda take me over.  It comes out of no where and it knocks me down quick.  I am getting better at living in it accepting it and giving myself that min or 15 to be okay with missing him.

God is beautiful.  If I listen I can hear him send me messages, beautiful little poems and sweet words left for me in song, a friends words all at times that I need them more than anything. I hear my Dad whispering in them he sees me and he loves me all the time telling me I am  his best girl and he just wants me to be happy.

Happy Birthday Papa Bear, Robert Angus Schramm, I love you all the way to the moon and back a thousand times over.

I heard you today in this song.  Hold you up by Amy courts 

messaged received.

You know I know you like the day knows daylight
I know you like the sun knows warm
You know I know who you are

You know I know you in your strength
And when you’re weak you hide your face
You know I love you, I love you anyway

If I could break, you know I’d break
If I could bend, I’d bend to
Become the knot that holds you up
I’d mend you

If I could speak you know I’d say the right thing
And you would see we’re so much deeper than the depths
It’s us or no one, or no one else

I love you so much more than all of this
Oh, than all of this
I love you so much more than anything
Than anything else

So if you should break you know I’ll break
If you should bend, I’ll bend too

If I should break, you know I’ll break
If I should bend I’ll bend too
I’ll be the one who holds you up
I’ll mend you, I will mend you, I will mend

Our kids know Googling as a VERB.  Think about this… when we were growing up if we wanted to see something we had to go to the library and look it up and even then it was not always what we were looking for.    I think the only reason my older ones know about the dewy decimal system is because they were having a vintage day in the library:)  Just kidding.. Pretty sure they still use it.  I do know Noah probably will not know about it thou.

My medium for this sketch was my ipad mini, 53 by paper, and my new sensu pen.

One such place is my sorta fairy tale spot, my art room.  When we built our house years ago we decided that there are two things that we had to have.  1. an office and 2. an art room.  My supplies use to live on a shelf above the washer.  Each time I wanted to paint, create or just do anything involving glue I had to basically unpack it and it would take over our dinning room, sadly for weeks.   I know I am totally blessed and this is a silly first world problem.  I have to say I love this space and all the things that happen in it.  So today my favorite is – little things in that room.

xo

My Medium for this sketch,  ipad mini, paper by 53 and my bamboo pen.

We know each other so well that we can just make sounds at each other to make the other laugh.  I have so enjoyed all my time with these two wonderful kids.

xo

Last week we traveled to Colorado by plane ( THANK YOU MOM) instead of driving.  We went to celebrate her life and bury her.  This is the 3rd death in my life of very important person all in one year.  She passed away pretty much a year from when my Granddad passed last February and my Daddy passed away this past November.

I have been a really blessed girl.   I have not really had to experience death till I was in my 30′s.  My kids have all now done it in their youth.  I feel incredibly sad that my kids didn’t get to have all of these wonderful experiences that these three people gave me over my entire life.  They had little snippits and I know it has been wonderful, but I wish they could of had them a little more of their spectacular in their life every day as I did.

My Grandmother said the Rosary everyday.  She is a devote Catholic and I have always marveled at her faith and the power of it.   She taught my Mother the Rosary as I head it from the start of her life.  This was a gift my Mother then gave me.  I am not a practicing Catholic anymore but I still do my best to say the Rosary as much as possible.  It brings me comfort and just clears my mind.  It was beautiful to me to be able to say the Rosary one more time to her at her viewing with my entire family.

Her memories are all on my mind since her passing.  I remember she always smelled wonderful, her skin was soft as silk.  She would throw her head back when she laughed and she would light up a room with her smile.  She would always pat your hand when given a neck hug and remind you to be good in your ear.  She was loving and fair to all her Grandchildren (and there were a TON), and she wrapped all gifts and such in tissue paper with perfection and without ripping the paper, something I still fail to do.

I love you Grandma, You were and are the best G.G. and I am thankful that  I had you as mine for so long.

xo

Krissy Ann

Below find My Grandma, my Mother, My Great-grandma and me.

xo

This isn’t a bad thing at all, it happens with me all the time with my own kids.  I will go back and look at things from years ago and see it with such a different eye,  different heart.  I think we as parents so get to caught up in moments we stop seeing everything because there is just to much to take in.  I find myself so caught up in the routine of the days sometimes I have to remind myself STOP!!! look at your sweet family !  ( yes I yell in my head)  they will be so different tomorrow.  Don’t forget to take in not only the smiles, but the pouty pensive moments as well.

xo